I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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