omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
