i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
