The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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