smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
