Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
