Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm both gender and math confused
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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