This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
