Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
