yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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