I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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