I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
