so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
