one two three fourrrrnication!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
