So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize