I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A bitchslap is in order.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
