apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
