Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
