I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
