i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
