He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
