you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
