I love black thongs
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
