capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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