I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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