got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
