I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
