Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
40s are totally the cure
Randomize
