I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
