6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
