I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
