bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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