I must be too annoying 4 u.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
