Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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