oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
