So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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