Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
