I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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