She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
