the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
