just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
