Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
