i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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