There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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