New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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