If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
