I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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