All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize