It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
