she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
