Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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