Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
