if you like me you must not know who I am
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just had sex on a roof
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
