Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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