escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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