I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
