every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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