I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
