I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're too hungover to prance.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
