Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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