There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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