2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
