She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
