Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
