yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
