I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
