I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
