Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
