every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
