I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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