I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
