ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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